Maybe Someday
by Mistymist
Summary: James loves Teddy but he is sick of being his dirty little secret, will his ultimatum cause Teddy to rethink his actions... Warnings Rated T some adult themes and strong language, also Slash later on. walk away now if that bothers you.
1. Chapter 1

Rain is pouring down, I know I'm beyond any drying charm known to wizard kind, and I don't care. I am numb and scared shitless that I've lost him for good this time. I should have known it was all too good to be true. Being in love with such a self-centred arsehole was never going to end well, but I have always been an eternal optimist. I should have left, pretended I didn't hear what I heard but no, that would be too easy and wouldn't hurt nearly as much as what I know I had to do. If I hadn't confronted him this time, I never would have, and I would be stuck in a permanent state of misery and despair.

He wasn't going to walk away this time and not hear what I had dragged him outside to hear.

"James what the fuck is going on? What is so important that it couldn't wait until later?" He had asked as if he is innocent, and I am some crazed lunatic that gets off on catching pneumonia.

"Why don't you tell me, Teddy? You tell me why you act like such an arse when anyone else is around? Tell me why you can't just admit we're together. Tell me why I am your dirty little secret!" I screamed at him. Maybe the lunatic thing isn't that far off the mark, as far as he was concerned he had done nothing. There he was hanging out with friends, having a few after work drinks, acting for the entire world as if completely ignoring me is perfectly acceptable until I dragged him outside, into the pouring rain, to demand his full and undivided attention.

"I don't know what you're on about mate but could we please talk about it later? You look tired, you go home, and I'll meet you there soon." He'd said, trying to calm me with his patented concerned big brother act.

"Fuck you! I am leaving, but don't expect me to be there when you come home because I won't be. I won't stand by and be ignored anymore or worse play the adoring little brother around your arsehole mates for another minute, I'm over it. I deserve better than that. I love you Teddy and when you're ready to admit you love me too, _in public_, you come and find me."

I didn't give him a chance to spin his bullshit excuses, I turned on my heel and apparated away to Merlin knows where. I was lucky I didn't leave half of myself behind.

Now, I'm sitting in Grandma Weasley's kitchen wrapped in a Chudley Canon's quilt drinking fire whiskey spiked tea, bawling my eyes out like a big girl. Grandma never asks questions, she just took one look at me and said "I'll make tea," like all the worst problems in the world can be solved with a nice hot cuppa and a few homemade biscuits. I normally would have agreed with her because if Grandma's ginger biscuits can't cure what ails you then it can't be cured. I feel broken and hollow, like someone has bypassed casting an unforgivable on me, instead choosing to reach inside my chest and rip out my heart with their bare hands.

Grandma strokes my hair and lets me soak her dressing gown with my tears while she tries to calm me down. She is telling me everything will be OK

After a long while Grandma decides that helping her sort out her photo albums will help me feel better, I doubt it but since I am an uninvited guest in her home, I go along with it.

With a great sigh I pull the quilt tightly around my body and flop ungracefully down on my favourite sofa. The one I only got to sit in when no one else is visiting or when Teddy let me sit by him at family gatherings when I was younger and we weren't together. "No!" I tell myself I won't think about him I can't or I will be a complete mess again.

Grandma smiles at me warmly as she hands me a large quilted photo album, I recognise it as the Potter-Weasley Album--the one that has pictures spanning forty plus years of our family, from Mum as a baby to Dad's first year at Hogwart's; all the way through their lives right up until little Lily's Graduation three months ago. I remember that day because I was happy; I thought that would be the day Ted would finally let the world know I wasn't just his little adoring mate. "Merlin Jamie, quit it," I tell myself.

"Oh, this is a good one." Grandma smiles over her reading glasses."Lily looks so pretty in lemon yellow, don't you think, Jamie?" I lean over to look at the picture, it's of Lily and Frank Longbottom, they're waving and smiling at the camera their arms wrapped around each other's waists. Their love for each other is practically dripping off them. Frank would never dream of hiding his feelings for Lily, and gods help him if he did. Lily would hex him six ways to Sunday if he even hinted at the idea.

I sigh again, I am such a big girl, it's ridiculous. "Yes Grandma, her hair is very pretty when the sun shines directly on it, just like mums." I say, forcing a smile. Grandma is not fooled, but she nods in agreement and magic's the photograph into the album alongside the other Graduation pictures.

The next one she shows me is of all us boys surrounding Hugo, All five of us, Fred, Al, Louis, Teddy and I. Teddy looks amazing in dress robes, which he rarely wears because he spends most of his time in the muggle world. I look at the picture trying to see something in his face that lets me know he really does love me, but all I see is the lovesick look on my face as he rests his arm on both mine and Freddy's shoulders, grinning widely. This is nothing unusual, just me being deluded, as always.

"Jamie, He does love you, I know he does. He is just worried that your parents would disown him and he would be left with no one."

I almost choke on my own tongue unable to form a response. I collect, myself before I say, "I have no idea what you're on about Gran."

"Oh rubbish. I didn't come down in the last shower you know! I know love when I see it, and I can tell you that Teddy loves you more than life itself he just has trouble showing it. A bit like his Dad after Sirius died... but that is a story for another night."

"Do you really think so?" I ask, before I can stop myself.

"I more than think so, I know so. He's had a hard life, our Teddy, and even though he has been loved by his Nana Tonks, and all of us, he still feels like it he has to earn it. That's why he spends so much time with Victoire." I growl at the mere mention of her name. "Now Jamie, I know you're hurting but please do try and be civil towards your cousin. She has been very distressed of late, not knowing how to convince Teddy that nothing in this world will ever stop him being loved. She loves him just as much as you do and probably has done so for longer than you. How do you think she feels knowing he will never love her the way she needs or wants him too?"

"I don't care, Teddy has never had a problem showing her affection or sharing her with his friends and workmates. It hurts so bad Gran. Like tonight the two of them were all over each other while I got shunted off to the corner as if I was no one." _Why doesn't anyone ever see my side of things?_

"Oh sweet heart, come here." Gran pulls me into a warm hug kissing my hair as she strokes it gently, when she speaks again it is in a quiet soothing voice, "That is his way of showing that he doesn't love her. I have seen it so many times through the years, my own children are all master's of it, They show affection openly to those they care deeply about, but when it comes to those they truly love, each and every one of them clam up like they're been hit with an _impervious_ charm. Teddy's spent his whole life looking up to your uncles and your father, unfortunately, that trait has obviously rubbed off on him."

"So you're saying that he's afraid of showing me love because he is scared of what, being rejected? I would never!" I am practically shouting now. I would never reject Teddy; I love him more than anyone in the entire world and I have my entire life, in one way or another.

"Shh love, I know, and it's not you he's afraid of losing. There are some people, who are not quite as accepting as others."

"You mean his Nan, don't you?" I ask her, already knowing the answer. Gran makes a noncommittal noise before she changes the subject.

"He'll figure it out soon, and if he doesn't I'll give him a good talking too, how does that sound?" She has her _don't mess with me_ face on.

"Thanks Gran, but you don't have to do that," I can't help but grin at the thought of her giving him a piece of her mind, while force-feeding him ginger newts and pumpkin juice.

"I would do anything in my power to make sure all of my children are happy that includes Teddy." I would never doubt that for a second.

"What about Victoire? She wants Teddy too, and I am not convinced he doesn't still want her."

"Victoire is a smart girl, even she can see that sometimes what we want and what we get are two different things. She will meet someone one day and be happy. All I ask of you is not to make him push her away; he needs her as a friend, and I promise you that is all she will ever be to him."

"OK, if you say so. I will try although it seems like an empty promise seen as though I told him I don't want to see him until he can admit how he feels, in public. I won't wait forever Gran; I refuse to stand by and watch my life slip away while he decides that he doesn't want to take a risk."

"You won't have too. I bet my last Galleon on it." Gran insisted. "Now it's late how about you go on up and try to get some sleep, everything will look better in the morning."


	2. Chapter 2

This is part 2 of Chapter 1

In which we see how Teddy is dealing...

JK Rowling and her minion still own all of this i am just messing with them for a while.

Thank you to those who have taken the time to read this,

oOo

The door to Teddy Lupin's flat almost came off its hinges as he stormed inside; shoving the door so hard that it hit the entrance wall with a resounding thud. Ted did not hear it. Victoire followed behind, keeping a safe distance between them.

"James! You here?" He called, obviously not impressed by the situation. "You wanted to talk well, now's your chance, I'm all ears."

When he got no response from the younger man, he stormed off towards the bedroom, "This isn't funny, I know your here so come out and we can talk about it." Several minutes passed and still James did not appear. When Teddy returned to the living room, it was evident that he was losing control of his patience, his hair showing signs of the vibrant red it had turned in his youth when he was extremely upset about something. Victoire had not witnessed Teddy morphing for years now, and it was then that she understood the seriousness of the situation.

As soon as he realised that James had been serious about leaving, he began throwing his possessions across the living room not giving any thought at all to their worth or his sleeping neighbours.

"Teddy, try to calm down, your scaring me," Victoire whimpered, tears rolling down her cheeks despite her determination not to let her best friends torment affect her so. She really didn't want to admit she had any idea what had gone on outside the bar earlier in the evening, but she is a smart girl, and it didn't take a genius to work out that Jamie had offered Teddy some kind of ultimatum in regards to their relationship.

Teddy ignored her pleas as he continued to throw things. Once he had thrown a very heavy book at the wall causing the plaster to crack, Victoire took action.

"Teddy Remus Lupin, you calm down this instant, or I will be forced to stun you! Don't think that I won't."

Ted stopped dead in his tracks, blinking rapidly before spinning around to face her. His eyes were moist with unshed tears and he looked lost. Taking a few tentative steps towards her dearest friend, she closed the gap between them and gently ran her hand up his arm until it rested on his shoulder.

"Shh," she soothed, "It'll be OK, that's it breathe, we'll find him. He won't have gone far."

"I really messed things up this time didn't I?" Teddy asked, his face sullen, shoulders slumped.

"Probably, but you can make things right. You're no good to anyone right now though, so why don't you go take a shower. I'll make us both some tea, and we can sit down and figure out how you can win him back."

"Tea won't fix this, Vic, it's gone well beyond tea." He replied, his anger beginning to rise again.

"Well it can't hurt. Now off you go and take a nice hot shower then we will work on a plan. Don't argue with me Teddy, right now I'm the only hope you've got so you best do as I say." When Victoire set her mind to something she was to be a force not to be reckoned with, thankfully Teddy had the sense to listen and headed off to the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later, he returned looking a lot calmer and more relaxed than he had before his shower. He was dressed in worn jeans and one of James's old practice t-shirts. His hair had returned to its natural shade of golden brown, his grey eyes sad. Victoire handed him a large mug of steaming sweet tea, and he muttered his thanks.

After a few minutes, Victoire decided if she was going to be of any help at all to her oldest friend that she needed some information, so squaring her shoulders and sitting up a bit straighter in her chair she asked.

"Now you will probably tell me this is none of my business but I need to know, what exactly happened tonight that made James leave?"

"Which part?" Teddy huffed. "The part of the evening when we all just sitting around laughing and joking like any other Friday after work get together, or the part where he dragged me outside into the pouring rain to issue me with his crazy ultimatum?"

"Why don't you start with the ultimatum and work your way back from there," Victoire suggested gently.

Teddy relayed the scene outside the pub to her, trying to remember everything James had said verbatim. He was a bit fuzzy on some of the details because this was not the first time James had pulled something like this, only all the other times he had come back within a few hours. Teddy would explain that he couldn't risk losing everything, James would say he understood, and they would literally kiss and make up. Tonight, James had not returned and Teddy was beginning to wonder what had happened to upset James so badly. As far as he knew, nothing out of the ordinary had provoked James's outburst.

"Oh, I see," was all Victoire said, frowning deeply, once he was finished talking.

"What!" He demanded to know, "What do you see? Because I have absolutely no idea what is going on in that pretty little head of his."

"Oh Teddy, you can be so clueless sometimes." The blonde shook her head. "Jamie loves you with every fibre of his being, and all he wants to do is scream it from the rooftops. He wants you to acknowledge that he isn't just a mate or worse, your little brother, which when you think about it is pretty disturbing considering what you two get up to behind closed doors. He wants to be treated as an equal for a start, and for you to show him that you're not ashamed of him, or how you feel about him."

"Don't you think I know that?" He asked in a voice barely above a whisper, "Of course I do its just..."

"Just that you're afraid, maybe. What exactly are you afraid of?" Now she was getting angry, "You have to step up and be a man at some point in your life, Ted, you're almost thirty years old. Your Grandmother can't have control over your life forever and if it's Uncle Harry, Aunt Ginny and the rest of us Weasley's you're afraid of alienating, then you need to think again because we all love you Teddy. We are your family and nothing is ever going to change that no matter what!"

"How can you be so sure? Look at what happened when you and I split up, your Dad was after my blood. He, still to this day, won't look me in eye. He hates me."

"Don't be silly, he doesn't hate you. When you and I broke up, I was devastated, if you recall, at the time I had no idea you were gay, and I didn't understand what I had done to stop you from loving me as much as I love you. Dad was just being a protective father. No one hurts his baby girl and all that. He got over it and if you bothered to pay attention to the world around you now and again you would have realised years ago that he doesn't look at anyone outside of his immediate family directly in the eyes," Victoire assured him squeezing his hand tightly.

Teddy looked down at his feet, contemplating all the things she had just said to him. He didn't feel any closer to a solution than he had an hour ago, and now he had a headache on top of his misery. He rubbed gingerly at his temples trying to dull the ache.

Sensing that now was not the time to force the issue, Victoire stood and walked around the table pulling Teddy up from his chair and into a warm hug,

"How about we leave the plan for the morning and try and get some sleep? Do you want me to stay?"

"Please, I really don't want to be alone right now," Teddy begged, speaking into her shoulder.

"OK, then come on, things will look better in the morning."

"I doubt it," Teddy sighed, as they turned off the lights and headed to bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Early the following morning, I give you trying to sleep when I hear Gran pottering around in the kitchen three floors below. The rain had slowed to a persistent drizzle bringing with it a dreary grey sky that matched my mood perfectly. I get up and make my way downstairs after a quick visit to the bathroom. I do not bother getting dressed or run a comb through my hair; there was no point. My grandparents aren't going to judge me.

"Good morning, Jamie." Gran greets me cheerfully the moment I stepped into the warm kitchen. "Sit down and have some breakfast." Granddad is already seated at the table reading The Daily Prophet; he looked up and smiled warmly.

I try to make my smile as natural as possible, but I suspect I have failed; neither of them comments. Gran places a large bowl of porridge and a cup of tea in front of me. "Eat," she says. I am not at all hungry, if anything I am feeling slightly nauseous, but again I feel guilty for intruding so I pick up my spoon and pretend to eat.

"So what's on the agenda for today, son?" Granddad asks after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence. He calls all of us boy's son, I guess it's easier on his memory that way; it certainly doesn't help to keep track when we resemble each other so closely and his eyesight isn't what it once was.

"Nothing much, I might go for a fly later on and then go visit Freddy at the shop." I tell him. I don't actually have any plans other than not going home, but those sound good enough.

"That sounds like a good idea dear, just make sure you wear your coat. We can't have you getting sick," Gran says.

"No, that wouldn't do at all. We can't have our star chaser missing any important training this close to the season opener," Granddad says, chuckling at his own private sense of humour.

"I guess not." Quidditch is the last thing I care about right now.

Grandma takes my plate and cup away to the sink, and Granddad excuses himself probably to go hide in his shed. I don't blame him; I am hardly pleasant company this morning.

"Why don't you go back up to bed Jamie love, you look like you haven't slept a wink" Gran suggests once we are alone again.

"No point. Every time I close my eyes all I see is him, and if I am going to stick this out I have to be strong, not just give in like I have done every other time for the last three years." I slump down in my chair feeling dejected and empty inside. "I think I will take that fly though, do you mind if I borrow a broomstick?"

"Not at all, just promise me you will take it easy and not do anything reckless."

"Me, reckless? When have you ever known me, James Sirius Potter, to do anything even remotely reckless?" I laugh briefly but my chest feels so heavy it quickly turns into a cough.

Gran manages a weak smile and pats my back. "Good to see you still have your sense of humour; I'll leave you to it then. Be safe. I love you."

"I love you too Gran." I stand up and give her the biggest hug I can muster before going upstairs in search of something weather proof to fly in.

Flying has always had a calming effect on me, ever since I was nine years old and got my first real broomstick—it's what I do to unwind and get my thoughts in order. Today though it had the opposite effect, everything reminded me of Teddy and all the times we had gone flying together, just to be alone or simply for the fun of it. I gave up after only half an hour, landing and stowing the broom and my gloves back in the musty old broom shed behind the borrow. I had to leave, everywhere I turned I saw Ted and I and all the moments we had stolen here. I didn't bother to tell Gran I was leaving before I Apparated to Weasley's Wizard Wheeze's in Hogsmeade. Maybe Freddy and Louis, who run the shop for Uncle George, would be able to keep my mind off Teddy.

I Apparate into the street right outside WWW in Hogsmeade, almost knocking a group of kids over in the process, they didn't seem too happy about it either.

"Oi, watch it you great oaf!" One of them yelled.

"Sorry," I muttered not really caring.

"That's okay," said a blonde girl that looked about twelve as she punched the annoyed boy in the arm "Do you realise who you're calling an oaf?" She asked him; I just rolled my eye's waiting for her words to sink in.

The boy looked up at me, his eyes widened comically and he began stuttering his own apologises. I tell him it's fine and bid them good day, hastily entering the shop before he wants an autograph or something. I am in no mood for gushing fans today.

The shop is packed, warm and instantly makes me feel better. Uncles George's shops always do that no matter how crap I am feeling. I make my way as quickly as I can to the counter, which is not as easy due to the large crowd of costumers.

"'Lo Jamie," Freddy greets me without looking up from the register. "Make yourself useful would you and go find Louie. He disappeared into the storeroom half an hour ago and hasn't come back."

"Sure," I tell him and head out to the back room. I can hear my cousin's muffled swearing as soon as I pass through the curtain separating the main show room to the storage and office area.

"Oi Lou, You decent?" I call out because with Louis, I am never sure if I am going to walk in on him having a private moment with himself. I hear another string of expletives but no acknowledgment that he has heard me so I speak a little louder, "Lou?"

"I'm in the—Merlin's balls—store room…get off me you vile creature OUCH!" He exclaims in response.

When I finally make my way through the maze of cardboard boxes and other clutter to the storeroom door, I find him battling with a very determined and familiar looking owl. I would know that bird anywhere, it's Teddy's owl Dormus and apparently she has been told to stay put until her message is delivered.

"Why don't you just take the letter off her?" I ask, trying not to laugh at my cousin with an overly large owl atop his head.

"Oh, now why didn't I think of that!" he spits out angrily. "Maybe because she has instructions not to give the letter to anyone but you and won't let me?"

As soon as Dormus recognises me she flies over and sits quietly on my shoulder. Louis, despite looking relieved, gives me his favourite death glare.

"Where the hell have you been then? I've been on the floo all morning with distraught relatives wanting to know where you are."

"I was at Grandma Molly's. Teddy and I kind of had a fight, and I didn't want to be found," I tell him. Dormus recognises her master's name and begins to peak me on the head.

"Ahh, of course and we all know how she thinks the sun rises in your eyes and sets in Freddy's so she was never going give you up." Louis says in a tone that suggests he is only _slightly_ bitter about this fact.

"That's a load of rot and you know it," I say in my defence despite knowing it is mostly true, wholly unfair on the other boys, but true none the less.

"So are you going to open the letter or keep me in suspense for a while longer?" Louis asks whilst giving the owl on my shoulder death glares.

I shrug, signal for Dormus to land on the work-table so I can remove the letter, which I do. I point my wand at the offending parchment and call out, _"Incedio,"_ The Owl hoots at the remaining pile of ash, obvious offended I had not read the letter she so diligently delivered. It doesn't take a genius to work out that the handwriting on the envelope wasn't even Teddy's, it was Victoire's and right now I have absolutely no interest in reading anything she has to say.

"Suspense it is then!" quips Louis as Dormus hoots indignantly and flies off. "Good riddance you great vulture, I've never liked that bird," He tells me. "Now since you are here and have lost me at least an hour of life that I will never get back, you can make yourself useful and help me get this stock out to the shop."

"I can do that, need to keep busy anyway," I say, and for the next four hours I barely have time to scratch myself let alone think about Teddy, or my misery, or why he hadn't bothered to try and find me himself.


End file.
